alone together (solo gig 1/24!)
in which I share the band's residency dates, and ponder borders and boundaries
Hey Hartlist,
Right after I announced this “rare solo live appearance” (1/24/23), I got a text from my bandmate which read “So am I not playing this one with you?”
Codependence or camaraderie: You decide.
THE GIGS:
And THEN…mark ye the calendars:
(The solo show is a TUESDAY, though. THEN Final Fridays.)
FROM THE CHRYSALIS
OK that was enough Tolkien. Matt is not my Samwise (it’s hard to picture S. Gamgee shredding an electric mandolin), and I am happy he’s sitting in. Also, I am nothing like Frodo Baggins. (LIES.) OK, I differ from a hobbit in exactly two ways: 1) I have small feet, and 2) I am both female and in the story.
!
(I remember someone brought a friend to the Winter Solstice show three years ago who afterwards described me as ‘nerdy’ and I was soooooo offended hahaha oh well. Guess I hope she’s not reading this.)
Anyhoo, I also know I would never have volunteered to take the Ring to Mordor by myself. For a classic introvert (visibly wilts after two hours at a party, dreads the phone no matter who’s calling), it’s interesting how I’ve never really wanted to do any really important project on my own.
For a person who prefers to work alone (true), I seem to really prefer working with others (also true).
Thus: the core Hart Paradox. It was ever thus, as when I was a 2nd Grade Playwright writing all my friends into my first play, which was a collection of monologues. You know, so we could all perform alone ... together. 1
Ever since I got this commission to write a one-woman play2, I’ve been watching myself try to involve other people. “Well, maybe the band will be in it too. And maybe they’ll have lines. ” “Maybe we have one scene at the end where suddenly this guy walks in...” Maybe. I’m not saying these are bad ideas, but they are definitely Non-Solo Show ideas.
If I were a (more) astrological type of person, I might mention the fact that I was born with Venus (planet of relationships) in Gemini (The Twins - duality). But I’m not, so I’ll just say something boring like “Thus: the core Hart Paradox”. (Twice.)
In my musical IRON JOHN, two characters have a conversation in Act 2 that includes this exchange:
JOHN: Something my grandfather used to say: “Make yourself indispensable, John. People can get something from you they need, they less likely to mess with you.” And so I do. And that’s how I stay alone. (Catching himself) I mean - free.
ANNIE: Is that the same thing?
I think about this often, because, well, I wrote it, and every time I watch this scene I feel like I’m watching myself in a debate with… me. (These two people course fall in love by the end of this conversation, which I guess in this reading means that these two supposedly conflicting parts of me… learn to get along? How nice. I dunno. )
I mean -of course the answer is No. “Alone” is not “Free”. Neither is “Never Alone”, for my money. But it’s easy to see how a person might pick one or the other as the ‘safer’ route, given enough Previous Interpersonal Unpleasantness.
If you are reading this while lying in the fragrant Bed of Roses that currently constitutes your personal life, congratulations and enjoy the day. But maybe you’ve experienced crossing the unfortunately-sometimes-fine-line between intimate and enmeshed, or protected and oppressed, or even breathing room and neglect.
Nothing is free. We always have to give up a part of ourselves to reap the benefits of anything new, especially relationships. Yeah, but how much?
It depends seems to be the annoying but only reliable answer. As with everything, we have to experiment and repeatedly learn by doing. I hate this. It is a lot like that completely unfair situation where you have to KEEP doing the dishes? As long as you’re alive?? Even after you do them once????
Ok. I’m going to eat dinner before any more analogies try to crawl into this post.
I’ll see you at the shows, where I will look you right in the eyes and share my truest self with you … for an hour at a time, under lights, and at a reasonable distance.
:)
Rebecca
this play was actually performed at a regional theatre we know rebecca you tell that story at least once a year
‘How To Read Tarot Cards’, coming up at The Cell in May