...she persists
in which I complain about being sick and scared of writing but you get NEW DATES including the solo show first week of May!
Hey Hartlist,
Me (on sickbed/couch): “I spend all my time afraid of getting this.”
My Sister (sympathetically): “And you get it more than anyone I know.”
Happy Post-P’Easter Weekend, most of which I missed.
JUST THE GIGS
FRIDAY APRIL 28 - 7pm The Rockwood Music Hall Stage 3
Final Friday of our Residency! Come out come out! Tickets are here or $20 CASH at the door.
MAY 5-7 - ‘How To Read Tarot Cards’, a solo play -The Cell Theatre NYC
IT IS HAPPENING. Times and ticket link on the way! But probably 7PM nights and likely a 2PM matinee on the 6th!
MAY 21, 11AMish - House Brunch Concert in Brooklyn
Details forthcoming! Kids welcome! There will be bagels!
FROM THE CHRYSALIS
I used to get sick let’s say three times a year - call it the ‘2 colds and a norovirus-or-similar special’ - without fail. The last I find so traumatizing that I generally spend a good amount of my Well time fearing it, trying to outsmart it, avoid it, hide from it, etc. Then came the quarantine of 2020, which, ironically, was the first year of my life in which I did NOT get any of those things. I was like, ‘Wait, it doesn’t HAVE to be like this?’ and long story short it’s why you’ll never see me unmasked on the subway again.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting it was better in lockdown, I’m just saying, WHAT PRICE FREEDOM?
But masks, as it turns out, do not help with the Wicked Virus of the West.
Oh, spending time in public places again are we? Think you’ll make some “progress on your draft this weekend”? I’ll get you my pretty, etc etc. And she did.
Let’s move on. Or, rather, let us limp cautiously forward. There is nothing to be done about not having the energy to do everything on the To Do List. The goal can be, as I said to myself in the mirror this morning, “To-Do What Must Be Done To-Day”. Which at least is fun to say, and thus makes me feel like I am Writing Something, maybe even my script.
Me: “I’m really scared - the show is really soon, what if I don’t have anything??”
My sister: “Of course you will! It’s Theatre! This is how it always is!”
A good time to remember that Tom Stoppard quote from last month.
The thing is, I’ve been working on How To Read Tarot Cards since at least last August, when I got this commission. It’s based on a draft of a book I wrote a year before, about my history working with the cards as my ‘side hustle’ and my various spiritual insights that have come of it. The show is about Tarot, but it’s more about my experience learning the cards (kind of) from my brilliant/troubled/difficult/magical/self-destructive father, and my relationship with him.
As such, it is very important to me … so I avoid it. It feels like it’s already written and part of who I am … so I obsess about how it’s not enough and get mired in perfectionism. I am not, ultimately, in control of it, or any of my writing … so I try to make it exactly what I think the end result should be. Because of the subject matter, it’s inevitably somewhat scary and icky to experience… so I spend a lot of my time fearing it, trying to avoid it, outsmart it, hide from it, etc.
Hey Wait a Minute.
FYI it will be a funny show! It is not a tragedy!
But yes I did just draw a parallel between a gastric virus and writing about my past.
Welp, better out than in, I guess? In both cases?
(Aren’t you glad you subscribed to this blog?)
Also, the game is up: I really did sit down here thinking I had not a sentence to share. But I did. Despite my lack of energy. Which means the game is up - back to work. And you know what, I’m gonna end with this thought I just had even though it sounds embarrassing and hokey to me: Maybe it doesn’t take a lot of energy to just tell the truth.
Meh. Better out than in.
See you next week,
Rebecca