later, they get birds
in which I share some... insights? on a beloved piece of pop culture, and we get ready for Brooklyn Americana Fest on SATURDAY!
Hey Hartlist,
“I’m looking for something very, very mild”, I said to the nice man. “I don’t want to be high at all, I just want to get some sleep.”
(Yes, if you’re counting, this is my second drug narrative of the last four months and you are all officially getting The Wrong Idea about me.)
BUT WAIT, WHEN’S THE NEXT SHOW?
THIS SATURDAY, 9/24, *6:00PM*
Brooklyn Americana Festival
Dumbo Archway Outdoor Stage - FREE
FROM THE CHRYSALIS
Yes, I did get some sleep!
But before that, I ALSO wrote the below text in the Notes app on my phone, while viewing ‘The Fellowship of the Ring’ for roughly the 300th time.
You’re welcome.
“OK. Scary Scary Black Riders:
Can be fooled by you going into another room and leaving pillows in your bed to make it look like you’re sleeping. Then they get mad and leave without checking any other rooms.
Catch on fire IMMeDIaTeLy [sic] when you throw a torch at them. Like, CATCH on fire and go up like kleenex.
Can’t go in the water.
Fail immediately to kill four tiny hobbits on foot. More than once.
Have to ask for directions when they get to the Shire.
Actually stab Frodo at point-blank range… and miss. OK I guess they poisoned him but he took antibiotics.
Don’t anticipate the river crossing on the way to Rivendell.
Are capable of speaking in full sentences, but just don’t mostly?
Can’t go in the water, again.
Were beaten by imaginary horses.
And - I thought all my life that the deal was they are terrified of any water. And I thought THAT was because it would dissolve them or destroy them or something. But if it was the wave of imaginary horses in the water that took them down and swept them away, not the water itself, why are they always afraid of water? Do they always think a wave of imaginary horses is going to show up? Because that is crazy.
Fail to locate Frodo IMMEDIATELY.
Have to travel everywhere on horseback, can’t fly or apparate or anything. (Editor’s note: Later, they get birds.)
Can apparently be destroyed immediately just by cutting their hand off. Or wait maybe that was just THEIR LEADER
Don’t succeed in doing ANYthing. Anything! The whole time! Does Sauron really regret hiring them?
Fin.
I blame my love for Lindy West’s movie ‘review’ substack as well as my apparently absent tolerance for… everything. And before you come at me with dramaturgical corrections, no need, I am aware of the holes in my (otherwise sound) literary analysis.
Everyone’s a critic.
See you Saturday!!
Rebecca